Maid for madams tells her story
2005-04-14
WHEN an eccentric, "more than middle-aged" mother of seven decides to leave home and go overseas, she plans to teach her children a quick, painless, collective lesson on independence.
In the end it was she who learnt a variety of lessons through the trials, tribulations, homesickness and loneliness of working “in service” in Europe - including the fact that she was the one who still had to gain her own independence.
This is the story that Paarlite Emmaleen Kriel tells in her first book which appears this month, titled “Close the door softly behind you.” It is published by Oshun Books, a division of Struik.
Emma’s travels (to overcome her “empty nest syndrome”) take her to the homes of various elderly and ill people whom she cares for in England, Wales and Scotland, as well as a stint as housekeeper at a French chateau and at the home of Sir Edward Heath (former British prime minister).
Her book has been written from the copious letters and emails she sent home during five years, struggling to accept the separation, rewards and disappointments of daily working life far from her family.
It is a frank, humorous and sometimes painful look at how she perceived herself when she left home and discovered (to her surprise) that that was not always how others perceived her.
“I learned it was OK to be a mother and still have a self, be a person in my own right and not have to quantify myself by saying: “Hi. My name is Emmaleen. I’m the mother of those seven children.”
“I’ve wiped, mopped, schlepped and carried, then cried myself to sleep in strange beds. During that time this mother learnt how to cook better, about compassion and love, separation, loss, about bravery, loneliness and friendship, like she needed to. At last, she begins to understand independence.”
After five years she returns hom taking up where she left off, and enjoy grannyhood, finding it far harder than she had at first thought.
And another realisation dawns - one of deep understanding of the people who had worked for her, helping her rear her own children when they were small.
She understands only now how hard it was for them, migrant as she herself was, and wants to offer them an apology for her indifference.
This she does, by way of “An Open Letter to All the Maids I’ve Ever Had and in Grateful Thanks for their Loyal Service”.
This tribute to the cooks, carers and cleaners she has known, was sent off to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and received a reply from Rev Desmond Tutu.
This book will appeal to countless women struggling with ordinary issues, and to those mothers coping with feelings of obsolescence and abandonment when their children leave home.
This book gives hope that they themselves can also take up challenges later on in life - “anyone can, you just need to take up the beckoning challenge,” says Emma.
* The author will be present at a book signing to be held at the Hout Street Gallery in Paarl on Tuesday 3 May at 18:30. The book will be available in bookshops in May as well as online at www.kalahari.net.
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